When Darkness Comes

When darkness comes

When the darkness comes,

It blocks out the light.

Hovering overhead to drown me in delight.

A cruel, damp, and soggy mess.

Pours itself into my soul.

While it gasps for air and scratches for life,

My soul sputters and spits the vile mess.

Fighting for life it takes a deep breath,

Takes hold of the darkness and strangles it to death.

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I’m Awake

I’m Awake by Dawn Illsley

I’m awake.

Thinking of happy places.

Avoiding the dark ones.

The places I get lost in.

Some things I’ll never understand,

Including myself.

My reason for being.

Why hanging on is torture.

What torture?

Why Hang on?

When letting go is so much more,

When letting go is not giving in.

Giving in to what?

Maybe it’s destiny

Maybe it’s not.

Maybe it’s just right.

Destiny

Destiny

By Dawn Illsley

I’m trapped by my design

I’m programmed to retreat,

Into the caverns of my mind,

I regress, in defeat.

My destiny

Already written

My time drawing near.

When I look out my window

I see the world I’ve come to fear.

That branch on the tree

Seems frail like me,

It could break

At any moment

And fall

In defeat.

The world is different now

It’s a foreign place,

There is nothing left I know

I’m trapped here in this space.

There was a time

I was brave,

But not now,

I’m afraid.

I’m not sure

When to hide,

When to duck,

What to think.

The time has come

I’m ready now,

Please let me go,

I feel peace.

With my guns drawn

I escape,

This time,

I’m determined

to meet my fate.

Hostage

Held hostage

my thoughts are not my own.

Like a pantomime I go through space.

Controlled from afar.

The ties of a puppeteer constrict my breathing,

muffle my emotion.

I’m struggling against their force,

feeling the surge of power.

That power feeds my seeds of anger,

small growths that are blossoming

into a force that i’m fearful to use.

Cutting those ties means freedom,

a freedom I’ve been ignoring,

holding fast to the past.

Not wanting to go forward alone.

Those ties holding me are made of string, not steel.

They never gave me support, just a false sense of security.

They were never truly holding me, though I felt them.

Like a lie, I need to reveal them for what they are.

False hope, a manipulation of the truth into a fairytale,

only they can believe.

I will not be held hostage anymore.

I’m free.

Dawn