Thinking by Dawn Illsley
Stopping to think,
She sits alone,
Unable to feel,
She slowly goes,
Reluctant to see,
She fades.
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Thinking by Dawn Illsley
Stopping to think,
She sits alone,
Unable to feel,
She slowly goes,
Reluctant to see,
She fades.
Death March
By Dawn Illsley
We marched like dead souls,
Through hallways, not stopping.
Not daring.
Like the end was our fate.
I feel the shame,
The disgrace.
We quietly weeped,
As we shuffled upstairs,
It’s still, silence I heard,
On that ghostly trek.
My life faded away,
I was stuck there in that place,
Reality dissolved,
Time took a break.
Those little rooms,
Housing ghosts.
The walls paper thin like a dolls house.
Why is it,
Words pour out,
When tears are flowing.
I saw a pile of shoes
They didn’t need anymore.
Telling a story
Of loss,
Of life never led.
A pile of shoes,
In someone’s porch,
makes me think,
Of that day in May.
The deafening silence.
That I witnessed.
The life that was erased.
(Visiting the Anne Frank Museum)
Destiny
By Dawn Illsley
I’m trapped by my design
I’m programmed to retreat,
Into the caverns of my mind,
I regress, in defeat.
My destiny
Already written
My time drawing near.
When I look out my window
I see the world I’ve come to fear.
That branch on the tree
Seems frail like me,
It could break
At any moment
And fall
In defeat.
The world is different now
It’s a foreign place,
There is nothing left I know
I’m trapped here in this space.
There was a time
I was brave,
But not now,
I’m afraid.
I’m not sure
When to hide,
When to duck,
What to think.
The time has come
I’m ready now,
Please let me go,
I feel peace.
With my guns drawn
I escape,
This time,
I’m determined
to meet my fate.
Empty
Souls,
Torn, worn,
Patched, and mended.
Bears the weight of silence,
In it’s weakened state,
Fear moves in
Like a silent disease,
It’s too weak to fight.
The cracks grow visible,
It’s leaking, weeping.
Fading
Empty
Dawn Illsley
Essence
I’m exhausted, wrung out,
Hung up, what’s left of me dripping, my essence seeps into the ground, feeding the needy parched roots.
They sigh and so do I.
Dawn Illsley
Fallen Leaves
I wish I could collect fallen leaves,
Like I did when I was five,
They were beautiful to me,
I collected one of every shape and Colour,
Just to be fair.
I wanted to save them, give them a home that was warm, and dry.
I thought they would stay alive forever,
If I cared enough.
But like everything,
Their beauty faded,
Dried up, cracked, turned to dust.
I didn’t understand like I do now.
Trying to keep something alive that is dead is futile.
Now their beauty reminds me of the fragility of life.
Dawn Illsley
Good morning
By Dawn Illsley
Roaring wind lulls me to another place.
Quiet breathing in the margins of my mind.
Pressing thoughts, bossy and demanding,
yank me from my reprieve to reality.
There’s a call for spring outside the window.
An urgent call from a little bird whose hungry.
Then out comes the sun, like a little answered prayer.
The light creeps across the room,
Warming the spot on the floor,
Soon to be occupied
By a little furry beast,
Desperate for warmth.
On the windowsill,
The pink blooms are dried up,
Not the end,
But it seems hopeful for more.
Held hostage
my thoughts are not my own.
Like a pantomime I go through space.
Controlled from afar.
The ties of a puppeteer constrict my breathing,
muffle my emotion.
I’m struggling against their force,
feeling the surge of power.
That power feeds my seeds of anger,
small growths that are blossoming
into a force that i’m fearful to use.
Cutting those ties means freedom,
a freedom I’ve been ignoring,
holding fast to the past.
Not wanting to go forward alone.
Those ties holding me are made of string, not steel.
They never gave me support, just a false sense of security.
They were never truly holding me, though I felt them.
Like a lie, I need to reveal them for what they are.
False hope, a manipulation of the truth into a fairytale,
only they can believe.
I will not be held hostage anymore.
I’m free.
Dawn
Drenched in sorrow
Drenched in sorrow she sits,
Cross legged,
Head bowed, in a silent prayer,
To someone she doesn’t believe in,
About something she doesn’t understand
In disguise by Dawn Illsley
A smile painted on my face,
With lipstick too red for my taste.
Veiled hope in disguise,
A shroud worn to disguise.